


The Bambi Reversal Theory

by The_Lady_Eternal



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Banter, Be Careful What You Wish For, Child Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Grief/Mourning, Humor, More Hurt Than Comfort, POV Third Person Limited, Past Tense, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:55:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25670920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Lady_Eternal/pseuds/The_Lady_Eternal
Summary: It is Halloween, 1981, and Severus Snape does not want his old childhood friend to die. He is caught between the two greatest wizards in Britain, on opposite ends of the war. Both men made him promises, and Severus made promises to both of them. But he is at their mercy and Severus never liked to be dependent—especially not with something so important.It is Halloween, 1981, and Sirius finds Regulus. There is but one person Sirius dares to trust to save his supposed-to-have-defected-and-died fool of a little brother.After all, it is Halloween, 1981, and plots are underfoot. Over a decade of war and terror has torn at the magical society. Family and friends are hard to find, hard to trust, and even harder to keep.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape, Regulus Black & Severus Snape, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 33
Kudos: 62





	1. Flooed Away

_October 31, 1981_

James was trying to get a hold of Harry on his toy broomstick, silently vowing to get Sirius back for this twice fold. He was grimly pleased to note that the older Sirius got the easier it would make his revenge.

At last he managed to pluck his son off the toy broom mid-flight. He swirled around, Harry shrieking in delight.

“Alright, little vandal,” James said, smirking.

Lily entered their living room, drawn to the laughter. “Pot, kettle,” she said meaningfully.

James gave her a mock-hurt look. “My darling wife!” he wailed, “you promised to always be by my side! Tell me, why do you wound me so?” Lily plucked Harry out of his arms.

“Your father is a drama king,” she stage-whispered to her son.

James grinned. “That must make you the drama queen!”

Lily’s eyes widened in horror. “...I walked right into that one,” she admitted ruefully.

“I always knew you married me for my wit,” James confided.

Rolling her eyes, Lily sat down on the couch with Harry, who was pulling at her long hair. “Honey, don’t do that,” she said, gently removing his grabby fingers. “You don’t want to inherit the title of Drama Prince, do you?” she asked his pouting, trembling form while picking up one of the plushies that loitered the floor to occupy Harry with instead. He gleefully accepted the griffon toy and Lily sighed contentedly, reclining where she sat. “Did you know you have a journal from a Ms. Ollivander from the 1700s?” Lily asked James.

James shrugged. “We do?” he asked, joining them on the couch.

Lily hummed. “It was with the other books Remus brought over from your parents’ old place.”

“Huh, I wonder if the Ollivanders would like it back.”

Lily looked torn between devastated and approving. “Not before we make a copy, you don’t,” she decided finally. “She’s very detailed on the different properties of the woods. Did you know that there are several different harvesting procedures that affect the kind of wands the wood can make?”

“Sure, it’s also one of the practical applications for astronomy,” James said, grinning lazily.

“How do you know that?!”

“Honestly, Lils, I keep telling you astronomy is good for more than potion brewing,” he said, teasingly. “Sides, ‘snot that far a stretch.” He yawned. “If the harvest of some potion ingredients are affected by what planet is more prominent, or what phase of the moon it is, then is it really that far a stretch to imagine the same would go for harvesting the wood of wands?”

Lily looked at him owlishly, then facepalmed with a hard, smacking sound. “I am an idiot!” she said with feeling. Harry laughed, clapping his little hands.

James grinned, his heart swelling. “Nah, you’re not all bad,” he said, leaning his forehead against her, enjoying how her cheeks subtly tinted pink.

“Daddy no!” Harry quipped, pushing against James’s chin with feeling. Lily laughed, leaning back while ruffling Harry’s hair.

James yawned again. “Alright, that’s it,” he said, more to himself than the others. “The weather’s dull but still mild, let’s get into the backyard. I could really do with stretching my legs for a bit. And it’s long overdue for Harry to meet Prongs.”

Lily gave him an amused look, but rose to her feet, clutching Harry to her chest. “Sure, lazy husband of mine.”

“I didn’t see you run after a flying Harry all morning,” James pointed out.

“That’s because one of us has to be the dignified parent.”

“There’s nothing more dignified than a stag.”

“And that,” Lily drawled, “is why you are not the dignified parent.”

They stepped into the garden where James dignified that with an answer by turning into Prongs. He was certain it was one of his most gracious transformations, though that hardly impressed his son, who just stared at the stag, head cocked and mouth slightly open.

Lily took that moment to place Harry on his back, much to his surprise.

“Oh, this reminds me of Thranduil,” she said, eyes twinkling. Prongs snorted. He had forgotten where that was from. “From Lord of the Rings,” Lily elaborated, somehow correctly interpreting his strange noises. Prongs inclined his head, mindful of his antlers.

He was not at all prepared for Harry to take that as an invitation to climb-crawl up his neck. Head still lowered, he stampeded in place, testing Harry’s grip. Satisfied, he slowly started to head towards the appletree that Lily had bought and planted when they had first moved into the cottage.

It was empty of fruits now, of course, but Harry still settled himself between Prongs’s antlers and demanded; “Up, up, up!” so Prongs slowly raised his head, allowing Harry to brush his hands through the leaves of the tree.

Lily appeared next to him, patting his neck. She helped Harry down and—oh no.

It was too late.

His traitorous wife had already given him the toy broomstick and Harry had been far too quick for a one year old in straddling it and taking off. He zoomed between Prongs’s long legs and darted off, evading the slightly overgrown shrubbery and out of sight, though by no means out of hearing range.

Harry came racing back towards them, heading straight for Prongs. He wasn’t wavering or slowing down.

Prongs jumped aside, struggling to avoid Lily, ever the gallant husband, and, graceful as you please, tumbled down in a heap of leaves and wet grass. Harry banked sharply and flew over his fallen form, roaring in triumph, the terror. Lily stood bent over, leaning on her knees as she laughed at him. He let his head drop onto the leaves, edging her further into hysterics.

But Harry got him covered. The demon-on-a-broom squeezed the most out of the levitation charms and, just briefly, got it high enough to go over Lily’s bent over form. She fell back against Prongs’s flank, protesting Harry’s antics while hiccuping through her laughter.

It was a very tired, and very stretched-legs James indeed that made it back into the cottage. He fell face-first onto the couch, happy when Lily informed him she was taking Harry upstairs for a bath.

James had no idea how much time had passed when he snapped back to wakefulness.

“Lily?!” Sirius’s voice shouted through the cottage. James jumped, flinging himself off the couch in the process. His head barely missed the salon table.

“Sirius! Sirius, what’s wrong?” James asked, his knees hitting the hearth’s tiles hard as he dropped in front of the fireplace. Even in the distortion of the flames, Sirius’s desperate, panicked expression unsettled James tremendously. They had been so isolated since Harry was born, James couldn’t even begin to guess what might have caused such an uproar in his best friend. He tried to rein in his imagination, but the seeds of dread had exploded like wildfire in his mind.

In the few heartbeats Sirius needed to speak again, James’s mind raced through all the people he feared losing. He dismissed Peter at once; he would have noticed the change in the Fidelius charm. Moony, then, or any more of Lily’s friends. He really hoped this wasn’t yet another McKinnon situation. He thought of Auror Moody and his ilk, even the Longbottoms that had similarly been forced to hide. Then his chilled heart sank. What if it was dear, dependable, foolhardy, and above all terrifying Minerva McGonagall? He banished the thought: Sirius wouldn’t call for Lily if their former Transfigurations teacher had died. James latched onto his rationale, thinking with a sort of detached, horrific indifference if Voldemort had somehow tracked down Lily’s god awful sister, Petunia.

Sirius swallowed and his voice broke as he spoke: “Prongs, I need to ask a huge favour of your wife. Can you get Lily?” James nodded, squashing the questions that burned in his throat. He hurried to his feet and ran up the stairs three at a time. He caught himself in the small hallway upstairs and quietly opened the door to Harry’s nursery. Lily’s head snapped up, her bun bouncing precariously on top, and she put a finger to her lips. There was a content, glowing smile enriching her lovely apple cheeks, accentuating her dimples, and James’s heart ached and hammered as he saw it crumble when she met his eyes. Lily was swift and silent as she rose and crossed the room, pushing past him into the small hallway without so much as needing a word from him. James once again marvelled at how collected Lily remained in the face of a crisis. It helped him quell the what ifs and focus on what he had to do. He followed her, closing the door as he went.

“What is it?”

James shook his head to indicate his lack of knowledge. “Sirius is on the floo, he wants to ask a favour of you,” he said, watching as Lily’s eyebrows rose disbelievingly. “Let’s see what he wants, yeah?”

Back in the living room, Sirius’s long hair had started to wisp in strange, thin flames. James hadn’t ever seen fire behave that way in a floo call.

“Lily, thank the gods!” Sirius exclaimed the moment he saw them. “It’s Regulus,” he croaked, “I found him but he’s—I don’t know what’s wrong with him! I know I can’t ask this of you, but I beg you. You’re my only hope—”

“Sirius, don’t be silly!” Lily snapped, cutting him off. “Of course I will help you—he is your brother! Get out of the way, I’m coming through.”

James caught her arm, his gaze fixed on Sirius’s head, willing him to stay still. “What is the meaning behind my nickname?” he asked.

His friend gave him a bewildered look, then recognition flared in the fire. “Your nickname is Prongs because you’re an illegal stag animagus,” Sirius said. James nodded, dropping his grip on Lily.

“You need your potions bag,” he commented, summoning it wandlessly from where it had lain forgotten in their spare room. Upstairs, Harry started to cry and James winched at his own blunder as he pushed the bag in his wife’s hands. “Go!” he urged her. “I’ll check on him.”

Lily looked undecided, her gaze flickering towards the crying coming from the nursery for the briefest of moments, then kissed his cheek and threw in a handful of floo powder into the fire in one move. Then she was gone, leaving James reeling. He wished there was something he could do for Sirius too, but potions and charms had always been more Lily’s forte. She had gotten plenty of practice at the Order in the healing variety, and he hoped that it would be enough to save Sirius’s brother, even if he never liked Regulus.

In that regard, James hoped Regulus had indeed truly defected, like they had assumed all those months ago. Harry’s cries grew more urgent and James shook himself, then turned and bounded up the stairs. He might not be able to do anything for Sirius, but he could definitely do something for Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback & concrit welcome!


	2. Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Major Character Death & Child Death (off-screen but soon discovered)

_ October 31, 1981 _

Lily’s eyes took in Sirius’s sparse flat, feasting on the change of surroundings. Not even Regulus’s deathly pale and thrashing form could completely eradicate her relief of being out of the cottage for the first time in over a year. She waved her wand and her bag started to unload itself onto Sirius’s kitchen table.

“He’s been ailing, screaming in terror,” Sirius told her, his hands moving around erratically. “Keeps saying how sorry he is he couldn’t save them, and how sorry he is he couldn’t even muster the strength to put them out of their misery.” He was pacing as he spoke, his restless hands gripping his hair and he was shaking all over like leaves in a Scottish storm. “He doesn’t recognise me, he just keeps babbling.”

She squeezed his arm. “I’ll do my best to get him back,” she swore. Lily pretended not to notice the tears streaming out of Sirius’s eyes and instead turned to Regulus, her wand weaving over him in the patterns of the complicated diagnostic charms the Order had taught her. She refused to dwell on the ones she had learned on her forays into the Restricted Section of the Hogwarts Library and, more specifically, with whom she had learned them.

Lily bit back her curses, mindful of Sirius pacing behind her. Regulus was under the effects of a potion that was completely foreign to her. She thought she could make a pretty good guess of its effects, but the foulness of it made her fear it would get much worse. Gritting her teeth, Lily went over her options. They couldn’t take a known Death Eater to Saint Mungo’s. Hell, neither she nor Sirius could very well show their faces there; it would be way too risky. She briefly thought of the stern yet compassionate woman Albus Dumbledore had hired as matron of Hogwarts in her fourth year, but dismissed the idea. As much as Lily was in awe of Poppy Pomfrey’s skill, the school was not equipped to deal with something so dark, not even in this time of war and turmoil. God, she wished she hadn’t been so quick to dismiss Severus’s interest in stasis spells, foolishly thinking at the time that it was so very inappropriate for Severus to look at. Although she had to admit, she was terribly interested in the various stasis spells she could use to temporarily stop a potion. When the books started to cover the more complex ones that some pureblood families used in lieu of preservation charms on their departed, she had been very uncomfortable. She dismissed the thought. The book had said it was notoriously hard to put a living person in stasis, and doing it while Regulus was under the effects of an unknown potion might make the symptoms worse, or even hasten his demise.

It was down to her skill; nobody else could help Regulus. Sirius must have come to the same conclusions as her, else he would have never asked her to take such a risk for him. She hated herself for having wasted precious seconds just to reaffirm Sirius’s excellent assessment.

She didn’t dare cast a cheering charm, and a calming draught would have been too obvious a counter to the potion’s obvious effects on Regulus’s guilty conscience. Unless this potion was older than the calming draught, but Lily wasn’t yet desperate enough to risk it.

The second time she casted one of her more generic diagnostic charms to affirm Regulus was physically fine, she cursed to high heaven. He was drying out like a prune in front of her! She casted aguamenti, wishing it would work even though she was certain it wouldn't. She watched in horrified fascination as it evaporated before it could land in Regulus’s mouth, like the Curse of Tantalus.

Sirius was frozen behind her as she turned, his eyes too large and more frightened than Lily ever wanted to see in him. But Lily had no time to reassure him; she was already fumbling with her knives and mentally going over her stock of ingredients. The Desert’s Balm had a short brewing time, but was excruciatingly exact. Lily hoped it was novel enough to safely correct the unbelievably quick dehydration Regulus was suffering through.

Lily was unbelievably glad James had given her a quartz cauldron for her last birthday. She didn't have any other that could resist the temperatures needed for the antimony base, though she worried about the change of the crystal's properties once she passed the threshold of 573 degrees Celsius, but decided it should work to her advantage.

The African sea salt went into her mortar and she shoved it towards Sirius. “Crush it to a fine powder,” she said. He obeyed her immediately. She nodded approvingly and gathered the other supplies, starting with chopping the wormwood in thin, even slices.

Regulus groaned and Lily cast another diagnostic charm. His temperature was spiking, but she chose to ignore it. The Desert’s Balm fixed body temperature irregularities as well. She added her cut ingredients and stirred carefully, making sure she did it in perfect circles.

“Purify some water for me.” Sirius was quick to present her with a measuring cup full of water. She added it, watching as the potion turned from a pale blue to a warm sunset orange. Lily ladled it up and eased it down Regulus’s throat, sighing in relief when the potion worked as intended almost immediately.

“I don’t suppose you have Dr. Ubbly’s Oblivious Unction handy?” she asked. Sirius shook his head. “Alright, I’m going to cast a charm, please be quiet.” Lily centered herself, concentrating on moments of calmness. Lily started to chant.

“Dea Clementia, juva meminisse aequanimitas et liberat culpae. Habe gratia et dono tibi pacem.” She waved her wand solemnly and Regulus stilled.

Sirius stared. “That’s some spell,” he said weakly.

“It should give us time to brew Dr. Ubbly’s Oblivious Unction,” Lily informed him. “The charm gives him the idea of forgiveness—it clears his conscience—but the potion will fight it. The Oblivious Unction will lessen his self-blame permanently, but not completely. I will need to make a counter draught, but I need your blood for it and it would take too long without alleviating the symptoms first. It might have damaged his mind irreversibly.”

Sirius swallowed audibly. “Thank you,” he said hoarsely. Lily shook her head.

“Thank me when we’re done, Padfoot.” And with that, she put him back to work.

They crushed, chopped, pricked, and stirred for several hours until Lily was finally satisfied with her remedy. Regulus had started ailing again, apologizing to people that were long gone, and some of them very close if he could have only been mentally present for it. She drew some of the lively golden potion into a pipette.

Just as she bent over to administer the remedy, her sense of sanctuary shattered with such ferocity, she nearly buckled under the weight of the loss. Her heart squeezed into itself so tightly, Lily was afraid it would burst, but she bit back her sobs, steeling herself. This was not the time to be terrified; Sirius was counting on her and then she was free to check on the charms. She could still lose Regulus if she did this wrong. Forcing herself to focus on her last task, she administered three drops of the liquid with trembling hands. She was done. Regulus would be fine now. Sirius breathed a sigh of relief next to her.

Then the alarm Sirius had insisted upon went off, informing them both that something had gone terribly wrong back in Godric’s Hollow.

“NO!” Sirius shouted. “No, no, no!” He looked dismayed at his little brother, then turned and Disapparated with a crack. Lily stayed just long enough to confirm he hadn’t splinched himself in his haste, and then focussed on the shadowy of the oak tree in her front garden. It was hidden from the street by the tall hedge, and the trunk was more than large enough to hide her from the house.

She Apparated successfully and saw Sirius had already gone ahead. Or perhaps he had not bothered to take on a strategic position, she amended as she heard Sirius shriek to someone to leave. A flurry of different coloured sparks flew towards the front door, but whoever had been there had already gone.

Sirius waved his wand in a more controlled matter and glanced over as she approached. “That should keep any other nosy busybodies out,” he commented.

Lily couldn’t even bring herself to ask who Sirius had chased off. She just stared at the wreckage of her home, her heart twisting and turning. Leaning away from the path leading up to the house, she retched. Faintly, she held onto the hope that the lack of a Dark Mark meant they would find James and Harry alive, but...

"You should stay here," Sirius said once she righted herself, panting at her knees. "I'll...check Inside."

Lily shook her head, her throat too tight to even allow a croak of recognition. Sirius sighed and stepped over the debris of the front door. He turned to offer her his hand, and she took it numbly.

After the fact, Lily didn't think she could have gotten to the living room if it hadn't been for Sirius. Her mind had allowed no coherent thought once she had seen the wreckage of her home, and she was certain she only managed to move because it was what Sirius expected when he led her into the place that once held such a wide spectrum of her emotions. Many of her most happy memories had been in this cottage; dancing and singing with James, Harry between them. Harry on the broom Sirius had gotten him for his birthday, shrieking with delight. The quiet moments when she was curled against James's side with a good book as James endlessly conjured things for Harry's entertainment. But many of her frustrations and fears had been here as well, being locked away from the world as her best friend was slaughtered with her entire family, the worry that ate at her for Petunia and her little boy, Dudley, out there in the muggle world while they had no idea of the danger the British Isles was under. Her anger at James when he couldn't understand why she worried so much, cared so much, for a sister that shouted at Lily at their father's funeral. He had tried, Merlin had he tried, and yet Lily had raged and screeched and eventually cried.

Every single one of those memories paled to near non-existence the moment she saw her boys.

Her vision blurred, her chest ached with the stab of how similar it was to wearing James's glasses. She couldn't breathe. Good. She didn't want to breathe.

She made her way over to where James's lifeless form was slumped against the thrown over couch, glasses askew, debris greying his otherwise pitch black hair. Just behind him laid their baby, caught between his father and the broken window. Lily couldn't discern if James had tried to escape through it, or if it had broken in the blast that had taken half the cottage with it.

Lily touched Harry's cheek, still warm under her fingers, still chubby and flexible, but it was all wrong. It wasn't flushed with delight at James's magic bubbles, or with anger at Lily's latest attempt at appealing baby food, or even with peaceful slumber. There was nothing beyond that physical touch and it tore her apart when she had already thought there was nothing more to shatter. She was very distantly aware of Sirius, of his sobs on her free shoulder and his steaming hot tears soaking into her jumper, but she couldn't react. She was trapped on the last remaining splinter of her world, and the emptiness of it threatened to steal her away.

She didn't know how long it was until she noticed that Sirius was speaking. It was another lifetime past that until she could make out his words.

"I'm so, so sorry, Lily," he said, among several other variations of the same apology. What he was apologizing for, Lily wasn't sure. She only knew she didn't want him to stop speaking. She clung to the sound of his voice, using it as a lifeline that helped prevent herself from slipping too deep into her own mind. She feared what would become of her if she lost that.

She glanced up, her eyes landing on the third corpse in her living room, the intruder that had destroyed everything and continued to defile the site of his destruction by his continued presence in death. Voldemort didn’t deserve it! He didn’t deserve to be in the same room as James and Harry. There should be nothing in common between her treasures of boys and Voldemort.

A part of Lily, the logical, paranoid part, demanded she got up and checked that he was really, truly dead. The stronger part of her wanted to obliterate the corpse. But she didn't have the will to get up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Latin: Dea Clementia, juva meminisse aequanimitas et liberat culpae. Habe gratia et dono tibi pacem.  
> English: Goddess Clementia, help (us) to remember tranquillity and absolve the guilty. Have compassion and I grant you peace. 
> 
> I have no educational at all in Latin and I apologize if it's terribly inaccurate and grating for you. The conjugations were bad enough already and then I found out there are different nuances with different word orders. It all gave me quite a headache and I'm thankful there were people on Discord that were so kind to advise me. :)
> 
> Feedback and concrit welcome!


	3. Resilience

_October 31, 1981_

Somehow they made it back to Sirius's flat. Lily had no idea how; she had been so adamant that she didn’t want to leave—she should have never left in the first place! But now that she was back at the flat she could bring herself to do nothing more than linger despondently in front of the door. Sirius's crying had quickly made place for anger and he was stalking towards the couch, lifting a barely conscious Regulus up by the robes, shaking him.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Sirius roared. "HOW DARE YOU—! HOW DARE YOU ABUSE OUR GOOD FAITH IN SUCH A, A DESPICABLE WAY!"

The sudden outburst of sound made Lily’s heart quicken in a painful reminder of being very much alive. Regulus was lolling around like a rag doll in Sirius's clutches, unable to so much as answer Sirius, let alone defend himself. Lily stared at them with odd detachment. The scene persisted and finally jolted her with a sudden, searing clarity.

"SIRIUS!" Lily shouted, surprising herself with her own volume. Sirius instantly dropped Regulus, who fell back in a heap of tattered robes on the couch, his face frightened and uncomprehending. Sirius looked at her warily, his posture stiff and tense as if he expected her to hurt him. Lily suppressed the sudden, bizarre urge to laugh.

"Don't be daft," she said instead, once again surprised by herself. She could tell she sounded beyond cold, but she couldn't do anything to remove the tone. "Regulus clearly doesn't know anything." Regulus made a strangled sort of noise. "I don't think he has been conscious since his disappearance in '79." The moment she said it, she knew it to be true.

It was silent for several minutes as the two Black brothers chewed on that nugget.

Eventually Regulus's hoarse voice struggled to rise to even a whisper to break it. "How...long has it been?" he asked.

"It's the 31st of October, 1981, Reg," Sirius said, his eyes intent on him.

Regulus took in a sharp breath, then coughed as he nearly choked on it. Lily set out to make a wiggenweld potion, ignoring Sirius's concerned glance. She started shredding the wiggentree bark and prepared the lionfish spines,

"How am I...alive?" His brow furrowed. "What is this place?" he asked, eyeing the television as if it might bite him if he moved unexpectedly.

Sirius sank down in his only armchair. "Lily saved your sorry hide when I quite literally stumbled over you. As to your other question, this is my flat." Sirius's wand made it back into his hand. He ignored Regulus tensing at the sight of it and waved it in Lily's general direction. For a brief moment she wondered if he was about to cut her off from whatever conversation was about to happen, then she heard water pouring out of the crane behind her, and then the stove clicked, followed by the subdued wave of flames sprouting into existence. He was making tea.

Lily shot him The Look. He shrugged wearily. She went back to adding more salamander blood to her potion until it turned turquoise.

"What happened?" Sirius demanded, apparently deciding Regulus was easier to deal with. Lily was inclined to agree.

Regulus hunched in on himself. "The Dark Lord…," he murmured, "made Horcruxes."

"He made what?!" Sirius asked, strangled. Lily glared at her cauldon. She had no idea what a 'Horcrux' was, but by the way Sirius reacted, it must be on par with the inferi, if not worse. "Horcruxes, plural. He made several?!" Was Sirius's next concern. Regulus nodded. "Merlin's hairy arse!" Sirius said with feeling.

Lily frowned, crushing the moly flowers in her mortar with renewed vigor. "What is a Horcrux?" It was both disconcerting and nice to see Sirius and Regulus share a look.

"It is an object magicked to hold a part of someone's soul," Regulus answered eventually. "It makes them immortal as that part of the soul remains protected from damage done to the body."

"We saw his corpse!" Lily screeched, her hold painfully tightening on the pestle as she turned to face Sirius.

Sirius looked aggrieved. "Lily, that is the point. With a Horcrux, it no longer matters what happens to the body. We could perform the foulest of rituals on it, and he could still come back like he pleases." He turned to include Regulus back into the conversation. "How did you find out?"

Before Regulus could answer that, the kettle whistled. They all gave a small start, and Sirius grumbled as he retrieved his wand and summoned the tea set towards him. They were silent as Sirius prepared the pot and let it set. Lily was stirring her cauldron counter-clockwise, twenty-seven times, then three times with the clock. Then she drew back a chair and plopped onto it, allowing the potion to simmer.

A cup of tea floated towards her, the scent of chamomile mixing strangely with the drafts coming from the potion.

"Milk? Sugar? Lemon? Honey? Perhaps a biscuit?" Sirius asked when she looked up. She shook her head and plucked the cup out of the air, allowing its warmth to soak into her hands. Sirius settled back into the armchair, having provided Regulus and himself with tea as well. "My question stands," he reminded Regulus.

Regulus explained everything, perhaps rightly sensing that it was much safer to appear fully transparent to Sirius in his current state. He explained how he had overheard Lucius bragging about the artifact that the Dark Lord had entrusted to him, and how Rodolphus had pointed out that he and Bellatrix had gotten an item much more valuable than some old book. Then Bellatrix had appeared and punished them both for daring to speak of the Dark Lord's possessions. That was when Regulus had started to suspect,; Bellatrix wouldn't have cared for their pissing contest if it had only been a memento. But he told them he couldn't have been certain until the Dark Lord expressed to the Death Eaters that he was in need of a house elf. Regulus volunteered Kreacher, which elicited a disbelieving noise from Sirius followed by a rather hopeful inquiry if the bastard elf had died. Regulus looked annoyed, but didn't rise to his brother's bait, instead explaining his instructions to Kreacher and what he had learned from that in turn. He explained he had taken it upon himself to nurse Kreacher back to health, and then made the journey to the cave himself.

Lily occupied her hands by finishing the potion and went over to hand it to Regulus, who thanked her profusely.

Sirius looked at Lily as if in challenge. “How come the potion was so much worse for Regulus than it was for Kreacher?” he asked.

"It was an unknown potion for me," Lily pointed out irritably. "It might behave differently on elfen physiology, or even their magic. I also don't know how much Regulus's symptoms grew worse under the stasis spell." Sirius seemed to accept this, but Lily frowned. Was it Voldemort that had put the stasis spell on Regulus? Why would he do that if there was a lake full of inferi to simply dispatch of him? A tiny voice in the back of her mind told her there was a far more likely candidate, and her stomach churned. She quickly tried to focus back on the discussion Sirius and Regulus were having.

"You think there are more than three?" Sirius was asking, incredulous.

Regulus nodded tiredly. "Of course. The Malfoys and Lestranges both know and have access to two, everyone knew he asked for a house elf and I would have known my house elf had died carrying out the Dark Lord's wishes. The Dark Lord would never trust his soul to his Death Eaters, nor would he risk the exposure of the locket, unless he had more hidden away in places only he knows about."

"How many more do you reckon are out there?!" Sirius asked, looking green.

"In total? At least five."

"You think he has two more hidden away?" Sirius looked up to the ceiling in a quiet plea for sanity. It was a rare look for him, Lily knew, though this time she could not find any of the normal humour in observing it. "No wonder he is such a monster."

Lily stood abruptly, gaining their full attention. "How much of a threat is he in spirit form?" She asked, a sudden, desperate urgency overcoming her.

Sirius and Regulus exchanged another look. Then Regulus rolled up his sleeve. Lily and Sirius both strained to see what he was doing, then recoiled back in horror. Regulus grimaced. On his arm rested the faint outline of the Dark Mark.

"It's usually much more pronounced even when dormant," Regulus said. Lily didn't think that reassuring in the slightest. "The Death Eaters must know by now that something has happened to him."

Sirius's eyes widened. "We must tell the Order!" he said, raising to his feet.

"Oh, sod the Order!" Lily snapped, grimly satisfied when Sirius fell back in his seat in shock. "Dumbledore must already know we were attacked and he will think you betrayed us!" She watched as his expression changed from shocked, to disbelief, to pure outrage.

"Peter!" he snarled. "Oh when I get my hands on his little ratty neck…!"

"Sirius Black, you will leave him to me!"

Sirius gaped at her, then graced her with a malicious smirk that Lily knew she should have disapproved of. "Very well, Mrs. Potter, I will."

She was morbidly pleased.


	4. Calamity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weather = hot  
> Editing = hard  
> Author = sorry

_October 31, 1981_

Severus was standing in the Headmaster’s office, listening to Professor Slughorn’s objections. His former Head of House had not been thrilled to welcome him back, let alone as a fellow teacher of Potions.

“You cannot do this, Albus!” Horace was saying. “I reluctantly agreed that Severus may teach the third and fourth years, but all I hear from the students are complaints!”

Dumbledore listened patiently, albeit wearily, as Slughorn repeated all the same objections and arguments against Severus’s position since he had gotten it at the start of the term. It wasn’t as if he wanted to be here. But he had to convince the Dark Lord that he could spy on Dumbledore somehow. It was exhausting. He didn’t recall his peers causing so many accidents as the students he was now forced to teach, and the Dark Lord’s recruiting at Hogwarts was too prominent for Severus not to worry about every action he took, always wondering who was watching him. The least the little blighters could do was be cautious themselves.

His head was throbbing with the near constant headache he had. It only further fueled his resentment towards Slughorn when the old man dithered after he had gone through only a minutely different discussion with Dumbledore compared to the last time Slughorn had attempted to get Severus fired. It was Halloween, it was a Saturday. Surely Slughorn had some Slug Club party to prepare for.

Severus didn’t understand why he had to be present for these meetings. They always ended the same way, he never spoke to defend himself, and Dumbledore never tried to change Severus's teaching methods.

Finally Slughorn left and Dumbledore gestured for him to sit. Severus refused to let on how grateful he was to be off his feet. He hadn’t even had any classes today! But the past week still weighed on him.

Or perhaps it was the Death Eater meeting he had attended earlier today, his mind reminded him helpfully. Severus grimaced internally.

He looked into Dumbledore’s wizened face, into his infuriating twinkling blue eyes and the strong shields beyond. “He is going after the Potters tonight,” Severus said flatly, ignoring the needles he felt swirling in his chest. “I don’t know how.”

Dumbledore’s expression gave nothing away. The old wizard merely kept observing Severus as if he were a particularly fat scarab beetle he needed for a potion, and was wondering if the size of the insect would affect the needed amount at all.

Severus hated that look.

“The Potters are safe.” This time, Severus did not mask his expression. His face contorted in hate and loathing for the wizard’s simple dismissal. Dumbledore gave him an unapologetic look in return. “What makes you think he has a way to get to the Potters?”

“The Dark Lord quite plainly stated he was going to remove the threat of the Prophecy this Hallow’s Eve,” Severus said. “How are the Potters protected?”

There was a flicker of concern in Dumbledore’s eyes, but he hid it quickly. Severus flew to his feet, towering over the Headmaster.

“Severus, we don’t have any reason to pani—”

“Don’t be daft!” Severus spat venomously. “The Dark Lord does not make idle threats!” By magic, he hoped his plan with Regulus would be more successful than Dumbledore’s so called protections. “How are they protected? Tell me!”

“By the Fidelius Charm.”

Severus sat back down abruptly. Perhaps he was being unfair to Dumbledore after all.

“And they made you Secret Keeper,” Severus said quietly, marvelling at the brilliance of that protection.

“No.”

Dread crushed the relief he had felt deep underfoot. “No?” he asked, too shocked to form any words of his own. “What do you mean, no?”

Dumbledore shot him a look he didn’t understand at all. “They insisted on a friend.”

“Marlene is dead.” Severus deadpanned. “I swear on my mother’s grave, if it is the werewolf…” His threat was cut off when one of Dumbledore’s devices started shrieking in alarm.

The Headmaster looked at it in abstract horror. “Oh, Sirius…” he whispered. “What have you done?”

Severus’s heart lurched into a terrifying pace: it hammered against his chest with such violence, he might have feared for his breastbone if he had been in his right mind.

Sirius fucking Black.

He had pushed his last remnants of hope in that loathsome man, in a desperate attempt to save Lily.

Severus could no longer be certain that Sirius would have found Regulus, let alone have asked Lily for help.

“Where?!” he demanded hoarsely. Dumbledore didn’t seem to hear him. “Dammit, WHERE?!”

“Godric’s Hollow,” Dumbledore said finally. “High Street.” Severus was already out the door, whirling down the rotating stairs. In a flight of black robes that deterred any from approaching, he left the castle proper and Disapparated the moment he was out the gates.

He was vaguely aware that half of the cottage was torn away. He was even less aware of the scent of baby powder and a roast dinner lingering in the air as he entered the short hallway and paused in front of the open living room door. His eyes swept over the corpse of James Potter against the upturned couch and his gaze lingered there for a few brief seconds. It was a surprise to find that he didn’t feel anything pronounced at the sight of the body of the man that he had wished dead more times than he cared to remember.

On the opposite side of the room were the remains of what Severus recognized was the antique cupboard that had stood in the Evans’s dining room back in Cokeworth. The wooden splinters and several squashed pumpkins gave colour to a life-sized Halloween doll glad in plain, black robes. There was a small, plastic coffin that made protesting noises as it undoubtedly tried to spring open. Severus expected it came from a muggle joke store.

Lily was nowhere to be found. Where was she? Another cursory sweep of the space did not magically reveal her. He glanced up at the staircase speculatively. It was dark upstairs.

A crack sounded just outside the cottage, stopping Severus before he could start to climb the steps. A small part of him wondered how the Aurors had gotten here so quickly. Then his voice shouted towards him.

“LEAVE, YOU PARASITE!”

Severus did. He thought the chance was very slim, but there was another place he had to check before killing Sirius Black would be worth it to dawdle.

He arrived at the old Coventry Zoo, near the foot of the large statue of a Zulu warrior, or what was meant to pass for one. If the Dark Lord had held his promise to Severus, this was where he would have brought Lily if he had refused to leave her at the cottage.

Severus hurried through the gates and was promptly flung against the wall by a mild Bombarda. A wand was pushed against his chin, hot in warning. He glanced down into Bellatrix’s dark eyes and didn’t like the dangerous gleam they held at all. She looked off; her face held that intensity she got when she was punishing lower ranked Death Eaters in front of the Dark Lord.

“Severus,” she said softly. “I didn’t think you would return here tonight. Why are you here?”

“I was in Dumbledore’s office when the alarm sounded that the Potters’ protections were breached. He sent me to find out what happened,” Severus lied easily.

Bellatrix tutted. “Severus, Severus,” she said, her voice high and girlish. “Are they still sending you up to the Headmaster’s office like a naughty boy?”

“Slughorn is an inefficacious wastrel of a man,” Severus said with real contempt. “Now let me go, Bella.”

Bellatrix snorted and stepped back, keeping her wand pointed towards him. “Where is the Dark Lord?” she asked, none of the girlish sounds were present in her voice now.

Face contorting into genuine surprise, Severus said: “I had thought Him to be here, I did not see him at the Potters.”

A mild cutting hex hit his cheek. “You didn’t notice!” Bellatrix accused, shoving her bare forearm underneath his nose. Severus stared incredulously at the faint Dark Mark.

“You’re the spy,” Rodolphus pointed out, suddenly appearing behind his wife. “What did the blasted Order do?”

Severus gritted his teeth. “I’ll find out,” he vowed, and, not wanting to give either of them the opportunity to hex him further, Disapparated back to Hogsmeade with a loud crack.

He wasn’t quite sure why he was going back to Hogwarts. He had no idea where Lily could be, or even if she was still alive. Severus hoped Dumbledore had learned something new during his absence. But the office was empty when Severus entered. Fawkes’s stand was occupied by its Patronus counterpart, however, and spoke in Dumbledore’s voice the moment Severus laid eyes on it.

“Severus,” it started, “I have gone to the Potters cottage, meet me there.” The Patronus dissolved, leaving Severus to glare at the empty bird stand.

Arriving once again at the cottage in Godric’s Hollow, Severus quickly drew his wand when a large shadow fell over him.

“Oh, it’s ye, Professor Sn-Snape,” Hagrid’s strangled, booming voice said. “Tis terrible, the little tyke’s dead, James’s dead, and Lily’s Merlin knows where!” Large tears were falling down the half-giant’s face.

“What are you doing here?” Severus snapped.

“Hagrid saw you leave,” Dumbledore interjected reprovingly. “He asked if there was Order business he could help with. I explained what had happened and he volunteered to help. Fawkes took him here shiftly, but the cottage was warded, so he sent Fawkes back to me.”

“Warded?” Severus asked, frowning. “It wasn’t warded when I arrived…” he trailed off. “It was Black,” Severus decided, recalling how he had heard the bastard’s voice before he had left for Coventry.

Dumbledore accepted this with a slight incline of his head. “Voldemort is dead,” he revealed blandly.

Severus did a double take. “He...he is dead?” he asked weakly. “How?”

Dumbledore was frowning, but Alastor Moody came out of the cottage before he could say more on the matter.

“Sounds like it wasn’t your pet Death Eater that did him in,” Moody said. “Dawlish is saying the diagnostics show the curse rebounded, but I ain’t never seen the Killing Curse do that. Though we can’t find the wand, even after checking the pumpkins thrice. Perhaps something did go wrong when You-Know-Who fired the Curse.”

Severus gaped at the Auror as his mistake dawned on him. “That was the Dark Lord?” he asked in a whisper. “I thought it was a Halloween decor!”

Moody snorted in amusement. “Aye, that was your almighty Dark Lord,” he said, sneering.


	5. Nerve

_ November 1, 1981 _

Sirius was aware he was grilling Regulus, pestering him with questions about Death Eaters and what had caused Regulus to finally see bloody sense. He was unapologetic, however, and Regulus answered him readily, only occasionally fishing for questions as to what had happened earlier that evening. Perhaps they both knew Sirius would do something foolish—like hunt down a treacherous rat—if they were to stop. 

That was until the door of his flat was blasted off its hinges. 

Aurors poured in, wands drawn. Sirius knew it must be a sight, seeing Regulus and himself sitting in his small living room together, both dusty and in robes that couldn’t take any more cleaning charms, yet still looked like they belonged in the dirty hamper. 

A piece of his front door landed on the coffee table and Sirius saw red. They hadn’t knocked, hadn’t asked to be allowed entrance. They just blasted their way in, even after everything Sirius had done to assist them. 

“What the hell?!” he shouted, ready to spring to his feet. Regulus clasped him firmly on the shoulder and pushed him down with more force than the recuperating bastard had any right to possess. “That was a perfectly good door!” he growled, unimpressed when Auror Moody glowered at him with the disturbing visage of his oddly mismatched eyes. 

“Sirius Black!” Moody barked, “you stand accused of aiding and abetting the murders on the Potters!”

Sirius opened his mouth, but he needn’t have bothered. 

“Oh like hell he is!” Lily shouted, entering the living room in a cloud of steam. Heedless of her plush, pink bathrobe and matching towel that contained her damp hair, she stormed up to the Auror like the witchy reincarnation of Godric Gryffindor himself. She drew herself up to her full height, her green eyes flashing as she took in the shocked expressions of the Aurors that had assembled here for Sirius’s arrest. He was flattered by the turn-up, truly. 

“Add that to the reasons I defected,” Regulus murmured softly in Sirius’s ear. 

“Peter Pettigrew was our Secret Keeper,” Lily declared.

Auror Moody looked her over. “And why did you not report to the Aurors that your husband and son were murdered?” he asked suspiciously. 

Lily shook her head disbelievingly. “Alastor, the nerve of you!” Her eyes were glimmering with tears and they fell freely on her cheeks. Sirius attempted to get up more sedately and this time Regulus let him. He cautiously laid his arm around her shoulders and she leaned into it. “Like you just so kindly pointed out, the love of my life and the joy of my existence has been ripped away from me!” she spat, choking back her sobs to make herself heard. “I was betrayed by someone I thought was a dear friend of my family, and you expect me to-to just skip over to the Auror Department to inform you of-of that?!” She was sobbing openly now and Sirius glared at them. He desperately wished Remus was here. He had been worried when Lily had been so quiet: it wasn’t like her; she had always been so open about her emotions. But now that they had resurfaced, Sirius wasn’t sure what he ought to do. He didn’t even know what to do with himself, dammit! 

The other Aurors looked at each other uneasily, but Moody didn’t so much as flinch. His magical eye turned to look at Sirius’s shoulder, nay, through it. “And what about you, eh? Thought you were dead,” he barked at Regulus. Sirius growled. 

“Just came back to the living,” Regulus said, somehow managing to not sound sarcastic. 

Moody grunted. “Awfully convenient.”

“Enough!” Sirius barked. “Out of my house!” The Aurors stood their ground until Auror Moody nodded. 

“You three do have to come in for questioning,” he said. 

“We’re not going anywhere tonight!” Sirius countered, still enraged. 

Moody heaved a heavy sigh. “Sirius, don’t be thick. Albus is frantic, the news about Voldemort’s defeat has already spread, and I find you here in the company of the matron of the deceased and an assumed dead Death Eater who also happens to be your brother. There are half a dozen witnesses just outside and I can’t guarantee they’ll keep mum about this. Don’t turn this into a scandal.”

Lily pushed Sirius away, righting herself. Sirius was impressed, even with the sniffling. Hell, especially with the sniffling. “Lead the way then, Alastor,” she said tiredly. 

Regulus had come over just in time to give her a scandalised look. “Surely the Aurors will give you a couple minutes to get dressed properly!”

“No! They shall have me like I am or not at all!” Lily exploded. “You don’t want a scandal, Alastor? Then let them see me as I am, a broken witch that had taken up sanctuary at the house of the only friend she could turn to.” 

Moody did them the displeasurable courtesy of smiling. 

They were immediately taken to separate questioning chambers the moment they arrived at the Auror Department. Sirius regretted they hadn’t contacted Dumbledore earlier, but his anger was much greater. He knew he had to calm down; there was no Regulus or Lily to bail him out now. He had managed to survive sixteen years with his parents, he could get through this night. He had to.

The Aurors made him sit and wait. He wasn’t sure what game they were playing, but he vowed not to let it bother him. Kicking back his chair onto its hind legs, Sirius closed his eyes and focussed on the feel of his animagus form deep inside of him. It wasn’t quite as liberating as transforming, but that would be a disastrous idea to do. 

Sirius had no idea how much time had passed when the door opened and two Aurors entered. He refused to acknowledge them, keeping his eyes closed and his chair balanced. Someone scraped their throat. They could wait. 

“Mr. Black—” a woman started, cutting herself off in irritation. “Mr. Black would you please straighten your chair?” 

The corners of Sirius’s lips quirked up. “No,” he said. 

“Excuse me?” 

“No,” he repeated more slowly. “I would not please.” 

“Mr. Black,” the second person spoke, also a witch. “There are very grievous accusations standing against you. It is in your best interest to cooperate,” she said sternly. She reminded him a little of Professor McGonagall, albeit without the Scottish accent. 

On second thought, he had to admit that he did his old teacher a painful disservice with that comparison. His eyes fluttered open and the chair landed back on all fours with a loud thud that echoed through the chamber. 

“Oh, very well,” he said. “Let’s get on with it then. I heard talk when I entered that there are quite a number of parties going on, unless you kept me far longer than I’m aware of.”

The older witch made it clear she did not approve of him. It was around the eyes, really. Her skin was taut, weakening the very shallow laughing lines around her eyes. It made her gaze much colder. 

The younger witch just looked at him dubiously, probably wondering if someone had confounded him during his ‘technically-not-arrest’, or whatever. 

The older witch cleared her throat. “This is Auror Emily Bloxam and I’m Auror Aletta Longbottom,” she said. 

Sirius’s brow furrowed up in concentration. “Aletta,” he said, trying the vaguely familiar sounding name. “Wasn’t your mother a Black? Aren’t you my third cousin once removed or something?” He scoffed. “Are you even allowed to be here with such a close familial relation to me?” 

Aletta glared at him. “Au contraire, Mr. Black,” she said haughtily. “If anything, your casual guess just confirmed we either met fleetingly or not at all. It is hardly my fault the Blacks are practically related to everyone.” 

Sirius laughed. “Oh, now I see the resemblance! You’re dear old Callidora’s daughter, aren’t you?” He didn’t wait for a reply. “Does she know you’re looking down on her heritage?” He was fairly certain Callidora was quite a proud Black, though admittedly far more sensible than his own parents.

Emily’s eyes were surreptitiously stealing glances at her seething senior colleague, causing Sirius’s smirk to grow wide. 

“I hardly think Mother will still be proud with the likes of you and your brother dragging the name through the mud!” Aletta spat. 

Sirius kicked back his chair, shaking with mirth. “Dear Cousin, you should meet my Mother if you think Reg and I are so bad. I’m sure you’d be  _ thrilled!” _

Aletta slammed her hands on the table, leaning threateningly towards him. “Black,” she hissed. “I have half a mind to throw you to the Dementors! Do not tempt me any further with your casual disregard for the law.” Sirius scoffed. She thought she was the law, did she? 

Emily coughed. “I think you should leave, Ma’am,” she said neutrally. Aletta whirled on her, but Emily continued without granting her an opening. “Mr. Black is right; it doesn’t matter whether or not you have ever met previously, the relation is still too close. It shows in how you let yourself be baited.” The two witches stared each other down for a long moment. 

“Fine!” Aletta snapped. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Ms. Bloxam.” 

Sirius looked at Emily. “You sure you want to be alone with me?” he asked lightly. “Last I heard, I was accused of consorting with the enemy and betraying my best friend.” The last part came out much more bitter than he had intended, but Emily snorted, clearly taking it in the spirit he had meant it. 

“Mr. Black, I birthed one Weasley and I’m going to marry his father the moment things settle down enough to do so now that the end of this blasted war is well in sight,” she confided. “Very little is more terrifying than all that.” 

Sirius inclined his head in easy acceptance. “I hope I am not out of line to congratulate you, then.” 

Her dark eyes sparkled with mirth. “No, not at all. Thank you.” Her expression sobered. “Now that that’s all out of the way, let’s get to business.”

It was tough to go over it all again. He had hardly believed it when he discovered Regulus, and the ensuing panic when it became clear something was very, very wrong with his little brother. His Halloween certainly hadn’t gotten any better from there on. Emily did him the courtesy to only ask for a handful of clarifications throughout it all.

Fortunately, the Auror Department dropped their charges against Sirius a few hours later. Between Lily and himself, Sirius wasn’t all that surprised. 

Getting his brother out of the Auror’s clutches, however, proved far more challenging. 

“We have several Auror reports that place Regulus on raids at the Death Eater’s side,” Emily informed him matter-of-fact. “You can’t confirm where he has been the past two years and—”

“And Lily undoubtedly confirmed her medical findings,” Sirius interjected sharply.

“And Mrs. Potter is not a certified healer,” Emily finished as if he hadn’t interrupted. 

Sirius heaved a heavy sigh and changed tactics. “Ms. Bloxam, I know the Auror Department has been out of their depth making a case against various Death Eaters that have been in this game a lot longer than my little brother.” Emily made as if to protest, but Sirius talked over her before she could. “Your holding cells are beyond capacity and with You-Know-Who’s fall, the Death Eaters will scramble and try to disappear. If you must prosecute Regulus, fine. But at least do yourself and the Auror Department the favour to trust him to my supervision.”

“That bloody Order,” Emily muttered. “I see your point, Mr. Black,” she added more clearly. “Thankfully, that decision isn’t up to me. I will pass on your request and see what can be arranged.” She stood and Sirius followed her example. “In the meantime, you can wait with your friend if you like,” she said, opening the door with a downward swirl of her wand. 

Lily spotted him first and embraced him awkwardly with one arm. A loud purring bored itself into Sirius’s ears. Looking down at the ginger cat clutched in Lily’s other arm, he frowned. 

“How did Felis get here?” he asked. 

Lily’s eyes shimmered. “The Aurors found her at the cottage,” she choked. "They were going to bring her to the Magical Menagerie in the morning."

But Sirius had spotted the rickety chairs that lined up along the corridor. “You’ve seriously been sitting on those?” he asked. “Where’s my wand?” he asked, patting down his arms and pockets.

Lily made a strange, wet snorting sound. “Here,” she said, drawing it out of the deep pocket from her bathrobe. 

Not willing to dwell on that, Sirius focussed on transfiguring the chairs into something more worthy of his weary arse. The wood of the chairs melted together and poofed out in luxurious burgundy pillows. The sofa’s back curved and the wood framed it with intricate rowan leaves. 

Lily didn’t waste any time as she sat down on the newly formed sofa, scritching the ever loud purring Felis under her chin. 

“When are they releasing Regulus?” she asked as Sirius sat down himself. 

Grimacing, Sirius shook his head. “It sounded like they were rearing to throw him in a cell,” Sirius said. “Figures, they couldn’t arrest me, so they arrest my brother instead.”

Lily bumped his leg with an atrocious fluffy pink slipper. “If they do, we will get him out,” she said solemnly. 

Sirius barked a laugh. “You might want to hold off saying stuff like that within the Auror Department.”

She kicked him. “I meant legally! Dumbledore said he had a spy with the Death Eaters, didn’t he? That spy could confirm that they haven’t seen Regulus the past two years. And if we can get that...item back, that will solidify his case only further.” 

Sirius bit his lip. He didn’t want to owe Snivellus anything, least of all keeping Regulus out of Azkaban. But he had to concede that Lily had a point. 

“It would work,” Lily defended her idea. 

“That’s—” Sirius hesitated. This wasn’t the time to tell Lily who the spy was. “No, you’re right,” he said instead, ignoring how Lily’s eyes narrowed at him. “It could work.”

“It would work,” she countered. 

Sirius sighed. “Look, why don’t you bring Felis to my flat and make sure there aren’t any overzealous Aurors rummaging through my belongings?” 

“What about you?”

“I’ll be fine on my own.”

Lily shot him an apprehensive look.

“I promise I won’t do anything foolish,” Sirius said, exasperated. 

Still looking rather disbelieving, Lily stood. “Well, alright. If you’re sure,” she said. Sirius nodded and she sighed. 

“There’s no reason for both of us to be stuck here,” Sirius said, offering her a weak smirk. “Besides, you have made your point, don’t you think?”

Nodding sagely, Lily wished him speedy proceedings and finally left him alone to brood in his own thoughts and misery. He had thought to get his brother back, but now he lost James and the Aurors were eager to take Regulus from him too. How had today gone so wrong? His head sank into his hands, shielding his tired eyes from the bright corridor. 

Merlin, how could they have ever trusted Peter? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Callidora Black Longbottom is canon, married to Harfang Longbottom. They are said to have a son and daughter, but nothing beyond that is confirmed. Aletta is pretty much the daughter in OC form.


	6. Stargazers

_ November 1, 1981 _

The front door was haphazardly patched up when Lily arrived and it creaked in protest as she pushed it open to step inside. Despite Sirius’s concerns, the Aurors had vacated the premises. Sighing in relief, Lily let Felis down on the sofa. The silence rooted her in place, her ears were filled with the sounds of emptiness; the rushing of traffic outside, the ticking of the clock, the clacking of her slippers on the floorboards. 

She didn’t want to be in this too quiet flat where there was nothing - and no one - waiting for her. Lily wanted to go back to the cottage; to hear Harry’s rushed, clumsy footsteps as he chased Felis, to hear James’s delighted snicker as he made a fool of himself, even the clatter of Harry’s toys would have been a welcome reprieve. But the cottage would be just as desolate as Sirius’s flat. It would never know their sounds again. 

Lily inhaled a shaky breath.  _ She  _ would never know their sounds again. 

The cottage would never feel like home again and Lily—what could she do? There was no more James, no more Harry. What was left for her? Prepare for their funerals? She didn’t want to do that! She wanted to go shopping for baby clothes, to finally stop relying on what their friends brought them by, or to have to rely on James's transfiguration skills to mend and resize Harry’s old clothes. She wanted to go to that one Mermish restaurant James had told her about, where they ate underwater. She wanted to experience the wizarding world beyond Britain and make sure her baby would know the wonders of both the magical and non-magical worlds. 

She didn’t want to bury them. Why, oh why did this happen? Lily curled in on herself, her body shuddering under her wracking sobs. 

“Oh, Harry,” she murmured, her throat tight. Her knees scraped on the rug, her fists gripping the rough spun material tightly. “We wanted so much for you…” she sniffed, every breath came raggedly. “Dammit, I need you two! D-don’t le-eave me here alone.” 

“Mrrow,” Felis answered. Lily was determined to keep herself curled, but her resolve faded when a furry head hit her hand. With a nudge, then another, her little wet nose unfurled Lily’s fingers. Nudging herself under Lily’s arms, she bent her head up and pressed a long, scratchy lick along Lily’s cheek.

“No, Felis,” she scolded weakly, her fingers ruffling in the cat’s thick fur. 

Felis answered in purrs, butting her head insistently against Lily’s hand. Choking, Lily wiped her eyes with the back of her hand while Felis claimed her scritches from her other hand. Lily tried to focus on Felis as she took big gulps of air but it was nigh impossible to convince her lungs to release the breaths. New tears flooded Lily’s vision and she hauled Felis onto her lap. 

“Y-you ha-have no idea, do you, Felis?” Lily hiccoughed. “The-they’re gone!” She sobbed into Felis’s red fur. “They’re g-gone.” 

“Mrrr,” Felis replied, tucking her paws beneath her.. 

Lily was lying back on the ground with Felis on her chest when the door clicked open, a long, slow groan echoing through the silence. As her fuzzy mind processed the silhouette in the doorway, she inhaled slowly and deeply, trying to figure out where all her aches had come from. Blinking away the crusty ache in her eyes, she lifted her head and stared until the silhouette looked like Sirius. It was hard to tell; the light was so blinding that she could swear her retinas were burning.

“Hey.” Lily croaked, her head falling back with a dull thump. “What time is it?”

“Almost noon,” Sirius answered, stepping inside. 

“Oh.” A beat. “Did they release Regulus?”

“Yes, I’m here,” Regulus muttured. The two brothers stepped around the couch and in her line of sight. Sirius wasted no time in getting off his feet as he plopped down on the sofa. Regulus paused to look down at her. “Where did the cat come from?” he asked. 

“Urgh. Lion, meet Cat; Cat, meet Lion.” Sirius grumbled, slouching down until his head rested on the backrest. Lily huffed a weak snort. Sirius did his best to glare at her by tilting his head sideways.

Rolling her eyes, Lily looked back at Regulus who was eyeing the couch dubiously. She was just about to point out that he had been sprawled on it mere hours ago when Regulus stepped towards it and, with the primness of one of Professor Slughorn’s Slug Club guests, sat down on the sofa’s cushions, back rigidly straight. 

Giving Sirius a contemplative look, he eventually asked, “You mean the cat is named Felis?” 

“Congratulations brother, I see the astronomy lessons were not wasted on you.” 

Lily closed her eyes, fingers lightly stroking down Felis’s spine who arched into her touch. She heard Regulus shift on the couch. 

“I see there are some family traditions even you couldn’t escape.” 

Sirius scoffed. “It’s Lily’s cat.” 

“No,” Lily corrected swiftly, not bothering to open her eyes. “Felis is family. Her documentation reads Felis Potter, after all.” She could practically feel Sirius’s eyeroll. She ignored him to tickle under Felis’s chin. “If Padfoot is people, so is Felis!” 

“I resent that.”

“I don’t know whether to be insulted or confused,” Regulus admitted. 

“Don’t worry about it,” they both chorused. Sirius shot Lily a look. “You’re only saying that because you’d be a feline you-know-what.”

“Not a doe?” Lily retorted, putting an effort into blinking innocently at him and hoping to mask the new layer of moisture. 

“Nah,” Sirius waved it off, “Mary knew what she was on about when she asked you to adopt a kitten.”

“Mary Macdonald?” Regulus inquired. 

“The one and only,” Sirius said. 

“The Macdonalds have a farm, see,” Lily clarified, struggling to keep her face straight. “Lots of cats around. Mary thought Felis looked like me—”

“Because she does.”

“—and flooed to demand I adopt her,” Lily finished. 

“Where did the name come from?” Regulus asked, suspiciously neutral. 

Lily swallowed. She could say it. She  _ would _ say it. “James didn’t want a cat.” God, her chest hurt. “The owls we inherited from his parents had laid eggs. They were going to hatch any day, and he was worried a kitten wouldn’t get along with the owlets. I’ve always wanted a cat, though.” She strung a hand through Felis’s fur and tried to pretend it wasn’t shaking. “Even more when I got my Hogwarts letter and it mentioned students were allowed to bring pets. But Dad was allergic.”

“Hold on, is that why Mr. Evans was sneezing so much when I met him?” Sirius asked.

“Yes—you were covered in Padfoot’s fur!” 

“I knew he wasn’t allergic to uncouth wizards!” 

Regulus burst out into hacking laughter. “Are you certain, Sirius?” he asked, his voice strained. “If anyone could cause such a reaction, it would be you!”

Lily couldn’t help but smile. “He even said that there was no way my father would have survived all these years with me if he was so allergic. He badgered my mum with questions. He couldn’t believe James didn’t cause the same reaction.” 

“James was in on it, wasn’t he?” Sirius asked dejectedly. 

Lily shook her head. “He didn’t know until Felis came into the picture,” she explained. Slowly she opened her eyes to look at a content Felis lying on her stomach, claws hooked into her bathrobe. When Felis caught her staring, she blinked slowly, resting her head in her paws. Heart shattering even more, Lily mustered the energy to slowly blink back. 

“He never told me,” Sirius said, wistfulness leaking into his voice. “The berk.”

  
  


Lily occupied herself by using her index finger to scratch Felis under her chin, enjoying how the purrs resonated between them. The silence lingered, heavy but also oddly lightened. The sounds of breathing and purring, Felis’s warm body on her stomach, it all made it feel just a little less overwhelming. The flat was too quiet still, but it wasn’t such a cramped, isolated place now. It was okay to lay here, shattered on the floor. She could pretend to be functioning pieces of herself again later. 

Regulus broke the silence when her eyes were getting too wet for her to see. “Mrs Potter,” he interjected hesitantly, “You still haven’t said how Felis got her name.”

It all came rushing back, and Felis mewled when she gripped her fur. Letting go slowly, Lily breathed again, getting a grip on herself. 

Tucking her head into her shoulder, she glanced over at Regulus. She had always thought him skinny, especially compared to Sirius, but now he was drowning in his robes. She remembered them; they had once been tailored to fit perfectly, as were all his clothes, and to see him so disheveled felt wrong. His clothes were ripped and stained, presumably from the cave. His arms and legs that peeked out of the hems seemed to drown in the fabric, thin as they were. His face looked haunted, his cheeks were hollowed and appeared more so due to protruding cheekbones that stretched his skin too taut. He seemed hollow, like someone had taken all his health and drained it away, leaving a husk behind. Regulus looked how Lily felt. She would have to brew more potions, for all of them. 

“I think after this night, it’s fine for you to call me Lily. I’m certainly not going to call you Mr. Black. Not only will that be far too confusing with both of you here, but I’m too tired to mind my manners.” 

Stretching out her legs, Lily sighed. “There is no-” She caught herself. With a shaky breath, she restarted. “There  _ was _ … no better way to convince James of something than to promise he ca- _ could _ take... The mickey out of someone,” she began. She cursed herself for being so shaken. It all felt wrong. It was so much easier not to talk about it, but she’d always finished what she started, so she continued; “At first I suggested Lyncis, and that certainly caught his attention. But then I remembered the secondhand astronomy book Dad got me,” she murmured fondly, “and it mentioned the Felis constellation.”

Regulus hummed thoughtfully, eyes fogging with memory. “Yes, by astronomer Jérôme Lalande from France.”

“No need to show off, little brother,” Sirius said derisively. 

“James agreed that’d be very fitting to name her Felis, after a constellation that no longer exists. Naturally, Sirius has been peeved about it these past two years.” Lily grinned. James had told her that, while Sirius came to wholly embrace his animagus form (perhaps a little too much even), he had been somewhat offended that magic decided to be so obvious as to latch onto his name. Well, until Peter had kicked off the idea for their ridiculous nicknames. She hurried to distract herself as memories of Wormtail flashed through her mind: “Of course, most figure it’s the Latin word for cat, and that we just picked something plain. Others think we were trying to ride coattails - Sirius was rather put out by those ones.” She sent him a smirk. “I think he’s secretly proud that the fur-baby was named with him in mind, but he won’t admit it.”

Regulus chuckled. “Yes, most families don’t bother with astronomy beyond the standard Hogwarts curriculum.” 

“I’m surprised we had to learn constellations that were just the whims of muggle astronomers,” Sirius grumbled. Lily slapped his shin. “Hey!”

“Be glad!” She scolded. “At least some of your ancestors had the good sense to smuggle muggle books into your family library.” She ignored his scowl and turned her attention to Felis. “Besides, it helped me bring this adorable girl into the family, didn’t it, Felis?” she cooed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to hold off on posting this chapter until I had written the one-shot I have in mind that goes more in-depth on Lily's and Mary's friendship, but I really struggle with one-shots and my favourite fanfic updated today [(Of A Linear Circle)](https://archiveofourown.org/series/755028) so I was just tired of postponing this and in a mood to celebrate fanfiction because it is awesome. Hopefully I can tell you there's a one-shot next chapter. <3
> 
> Also, yes, I did think far too long on the name for the Potter's cat, but no, I did not look up lists of constellations to get to Felis. I had already subjected myself to the torment of learning the currently recognized 88 constellations (and the ones that have been scrapped) a few years ago. When I remembered Felis, I simply could not pass up the opportunity to turn it into something to annoy Sirius with.


End file.
